My 12-year-old daughter recently asked us a difficult question: What is a real friend?
My wife and I tried to explain the concept of a friend somewhere along these lines: A real friend is someone who has the following qualities:
- A friend is loyal. Friends don’t turn their back on you. They don’t speak behind your back. They are there for you when you are in trouble.
- A friend tells you the truth to your face, even if it is inconvenient. Friends don’t try to get on your good side through flattery or dishonesty. They are not yes-sayers. Their intention is to help you become a better version of yourself.
- A friend rejoices in your successes. Friends are not envious when they see you win. They are happy with you. It is easy to feel compassion for someone who is suffering. It is a lot harder to feel joy for someone who is doing well. That’s what separates friends from the rest.
After having talked about this for a little while, our daughter started crying. Through tears and sobbing she said: “If that is what a friend is, then I do not have any real friends at all”.
It is sad but true. A real friend is a very rare thing to find in life. Like Herodotus said: “Of all possessions a friend is the most precious.”
And if I am honest, I have not always lived up to the qualities of a true friend myself. I believe, friendship starts with giving rather than receiving. Rather than observing other people’s behavior, trying to find out if they are friendship material, we need to be a true friend first.
Be loyal. Speak what you believe is the truth. Celebrate the success of others. And you might find the very rare thing called friendship.